


I want to

by HikariYumi



Series: Do you believe in heaven? [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Animal Death, Dead Hank Anderson, Dead Sumo, Death, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed is trying, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, POV Gavin Reed, Past Character Death, Poor Connor, emotional breakdown, emotions are hard, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 22:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16752661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumi
Summary: Connor hadn’t been the same anymore since Hank’s death a few weeks ago. Still, Gavin feels like something is off with him that day. More off, that is.(Now with Russian translation!)





	I want to

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: DESCRIPTION OF ANIMAL DEATH! SUMO IS DEAD!
> 
> Hello there.
> 
> So this is not my usual content, I don’t really do death fics normally, I don’t even read them. But this story just had to be written.
> 
> I’m also writing a story for my dbh series right now where Sumo is sick as well. I never planned to let him die in that though, so I needed to write something out of that series about it.
> 
> Why? Well, because not long ago my own dog had been very sick and while she survived, she’s worrying me again recently. This kind of is my outlet.
> 
> It’s not refined out really good. The plot idea came to me on a car ride back and I had to dictate my idea to myself over speech message to not forget it until later.
> 
> Anyway, tmi, right?
> 
> PLEASE MIND THE TAGS!
> 
> ~Hikari
> 
>  
> 
> Hey! Liriaair translated this fanfic into Russian!   
> Here’s the link: https://ficbook.net/readfic/8418675

Scalding hot drops of coffee startled Gavin out of his musings. He quickly fixed the little mess he’d made on the break room counter before any of his coworkers could notice his mindlessness.  
But the burn though, wasn’t enough to stop Gavin’s thoughts from returning to Connor, Hank’s former partner and the department’s first android detective.

A few years had come and gone since the famous freedom march of 2038 and slowly, as they had gained all their rights human, androids had begun working everywhere. The Detroit Police station was no different in that regard. Some of the androids that had been acquired to act as auxiliary police in the twenties and thirties, had taken the tests and returned to the force.  
But while quite a few of them worked themselves up the Rangs, Connor held - at least in Gavin’s opinion - a special place.

Without any doubt, the kid could’ve made Lieutenant or even Captain without too much effort, but it never happened.  
Hank and Connor had talked about it, before, but the kid had always said that he was exactly where he wanted to be.

Ironically, only weeks later Captain Fowler had received a phone call at 6.23 on a quiet morning, informing him that Lieutenant Hank Anderson had died.

It had come as a shock to everyone in the precinct. Especially the older ones, who had used to work with Hank before his downward spiral began all that time ago, were devastated.  
Despite anything, his unhealthy lifestyle as well as mental condition - that had finally begun to improve - no one had ever actively thought about Hank dying.

Gavin didn’t know how he had expected Connor to deal with the loss of the, without doubt, most important person in his young life. A breakdown maybe, an android going crazy under duress of too many emotions just like the deviants they had taken into custody before. Maybe even self-destruction, either as an accident or on purpose, similar to Hank’s own coping.  
The whole precinct had universally decided to keep an eye on the kid, anticipating the worst and being ready to handle it.  
Connor, his ‘goofy’ looks aside, was after all brilliant as well as dangerous.

But nothing happened. Nothing like this at least.  
The android had come into work the following morning, had already taken care of everything that had to be handled regarding Hank’s death.  
Connor had been dead silent. Effective, yet mostly unresponsive to his surroundings.

This state had continued for two weeks, then the android had slowly started to break out of his apathy. If you could call it that.  
Connor hadn’t had returned back to his old self by any means, his impeccable work had turned into barely more than cold analysis, not unlike him when he had first come to the station.  
No, maybe even worse, then there hadn’t been this undefined something lurking in Connor’s eyes. Without the android LED Gavin hadn’t been able to read it.

~

“Hey kid, what’s new?”

Today, nearly one and a half months after the Lieutenant’s sudden death, something had again shifted in Connor’s demeanour.  
The stiffness was still there, but he appeared less detached and instead as if Connor desperately tried to keep himself in check.  
It looked tiring.

Gavin had sneaked glances over to his coworker over the course of the whole morning, so the minute twitches that happened every now and then hadn’t been lost to him. At one occasion when Connor had connected to some database, his eyelids had fluttered uncontrollably for nearly a second.

Something had happened since his departure the night before and Gavin had to figure out what it was.

After Hank’s death Fowler had called in Markus to help with the whole Connor situation. Apparently the big leader had experience with losing his father figure, who would’ve guessed that, and the Captain thought Connor could use someone that understood him.  
They didn’t get to know much about Markus, just that he himself hadn’t coped too well with his own loss. He said the ordeal had taken him a long time and without his friends support he was sure he would’ve never made it through.

Unfortunately Markus couldn’t do a lot for Connor and left the precinct worrying for the moment when the penny would drop.

Maybe today was going to be the day. A month into Connor’s grief Gavin and the others had started to believe in the metaphorical peace, had accepted that their coworker had been shaped forever by the events.  
They appeared to be wrong.

“Please go away, I need to concentrate on my work, detective.”

This was the most hostile thing Gavin had heard Connor say in ages. The kid had been happy to connect to everyone, even him when they’d finally put their feud to rest.

“Okay okay, got it. Tell me if you need something.”

“I don’t need anything,” Connor replied coldly.

Gavin swallowed uncomfortably. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be good.

~

Markus happened to be at the other end of the country for the time being, which was just convenient, and Fowler instead told Gavin to keep an eye out for Connor’s behaviour.  
As if he hadn’t done it anyway.

Nothing noteworthy happened until the end of the shift approached. Everyone kept their distance to the android, aware of the strange tension surrounding him.  
Unfortunately, Connor’s state only seemed to be worsening as the day went on until he ended up with his whole posture wound tight as a spring trap.

The end of the shift came and went, Connor showed no intend to pack up. Half an hour later the android was still working away stubbornly, even though Gavin knew very well that he had finished up his case files already.

Deciding to grant the kid the benefit of the doubt, Gavin approached him another hour later to offer assistance. He just wanted the Connor out of here so that he also could finally go home and get some much needed rest.

“I’m fine, detective! Could you please leave me alone. I have to finish this-“  
“Oh come on Connor, it’s late and that’s nothing that can’t wait. Go home. Don’t you have to walk that beast of a dog or something?”

Connor rose to his feet, but it seemed much more as if a jackknife got snapped open. Instinctively, Gavin took a step back.

There it was again, the undefinable darkness in the brown eyes.  
“No.”  
Gavin blinked, momentarily confused by that response.  
“No?”

With nothing more than a flicker of his hand, the terminal shut down, leaving the desk somber and barren. The few personal items that had once found their home on it had been cleared away along with all the belongings on Hank’s side of the table.

“I won’t ever have to go to walk Sumo again.”

It took Gavin a, for a detective, embarrassingly long moment to make sense of that statement.

“Oh. Shit Connor, I-“

Would it still be last year, the android would’ve just shrugged and told Gavin not to worry, that him being insensitive and bad with empathy was not a big deal. But it wasn’t last year anymore.

Today though, Connor snapped. Gavin guessed it might not even have been his fault, the android had been walking on an invisible edge the whole day after all.  
But now, understanding dawned in the detective. Sumo, Hank’s - and Connor’s - giant Saint Bernhard must’ve died at some point during the night, leaving the kid now completely alone.  
Shit.

To Gavin’s incredible relief, Connor didn’t attack him or grab his shirt collar in agitation, like the man himself would’ve done. Instead Connor collapsed into himself, right next to Hank’s old desk which Fowler planned to give to one of the new station androids in the future.

Frantically, Gavin looked around in an attempt to find someone better suited to deal with an android breakdown than himself. Naturally, there wasn’t one.  
The handful of people who hadn’t left yet stared as helpless at their coworker as Gavin.  
Of course.  
Not even the captain was there to step in, he seemed too engrossed in something on his terminal to take note of the bullpen.

“Connor, hey...”  
Gavin carefully crept closer, ready to hurry back into a safe distance in case the kid changed his mind about jumping him.  
When there was no reaction, neither to his words nor approach, the man struggled to come up with anything else to say.

Connor had buried his head in his hands, the floppy hair barely hiding the expression of utter pain on his face.  
After weeks of scary apathy, the change proved unnerving while not entirely unwelcome.  
Upon closer inspection Connor’s expression was terrifyingly reminiscent of a silent scream.

Helplessness turned into panic the longer Gavin witnessed the kid coming apart at his seams. It seemed as if all the stress, the grief and being unable to deal with all those strong emotions on his own for the first time, was finally taking the expected toll from Connor.

Despite their effort, Connor had been alone with this and would continue to be if nothing changed. Gavin wouldn’t let that happen, he wouldn’t let his coworker, his friend, be on his own in a frightening world that wouldn’t stop spinning.  
He’d been there, had fought tooth and nail not to drown and he’d made it. All the time he had wished for someone at his side, today he would become the person he had needed.

Again, Connor didn’t resist or moved at all when Gavin took another few steps in his direction or when he crouched down next to him. 

‘It’s going to be alright.’  
‘Tomorrow the world will be brighter again.’  
‘Stop crying and man up.’

No, neither of these sentences would do any good. But Gavin needed to say something, and it needed to be the right thing.  
Awkwardly the detective took Connor’s pale hand unto his, squeezing it gently and hopefully consoling.  
Now, Gavin really wished he’d have done that before for someone.

“Do you- what happened to Sumo?”  
For the first time that day Gavin looked at Connor’s eyes, and Connor looked right back.

~

It was true that Gavin wasn’t much of a pet person, but even he wasn’t heartless enough to think their death wouldn’t be disturbing.  
Connor told him that he had spend nearly the whole night in a hospital for small animals, after Sumo had started to act strange the day before.  
There hadn’t been anything that could’ve been done to help him, but not because of the lack of trying. In the early hours of the morning Connor had taken the giant dog into his lap and held him while the vet had put him to rest.

Gavin couldn’t be certain if it was due to the nature of the recollection or the fact that there was finally emotion in Connor’s voice again, but his eyes felt moist.

Now that Connor had fallen silent again he resembled more a puppet with it’s strings cut rather than the tense statue he’d been before. Gavin helped him to his feet, not sure if the kid would manage it on his own after the little outburst, and shrugged out of his leather jacket.

Wrapped around Connor’s usual suit-clad form it looked out of place, bulky and plump.  
By now Gavin felt his coworkers eyes burn holes into his back, and from out of the corner of his eye he could make out that Fowler’s head that was turned over to them.

“Stay here, will you? I’ll be right back.”

The few metres over to the captain’s office space felt ridiculously long. Gavin tried to ignore the oppressing silence around him.

“Captain, I would like to request a day off for Connor and me.”

He wouldn’t offer an explanation, he didn’t trust himself to find a convincing argument why he of all people should try to be a friend for the android he once resented.

Fowler just glanced over to the miserable figure in the bullpen before turning back to Gavin.  
“See you two on Thursday. Bring donuts.”  
The detective would’ve snorted if the situation would have been any less depressing.

~

“Did you know that a lot of dogs follow their owners soon after they die?”

The android frowned minutely, most likely researching that very information. It was something like a reflex for Connor by now, he supposed.

“I didn’t. It’s s a nice sentiment. As if they want to make sure their loved ones are not alone.”

The silence felt heavy and oppressing, thick with loneliness and grief.

“Do you believe in heaven, Connor?”

For a reason Gavin couldn’t for his life recall, they sat on his apartment’s floor, their back’s leaning up against the wall. Even though he owned more than one place to sit more comfortably, it somehow felt right to stay were they were.

“No, Detective Reed, I don’t.”  
Connor’s gaze grew wistful as he stared into the nothingness. A long moment later his eyes found his when he added quietly:  
“But I want to.”

A tug where Gavin supposed his heart had to be, caught him off guard. 

“Yeah, me too”, he choked out.

Silence fell between them again, but now it felt different. Better, somehow.


End file.
